My latest heartbreak

Sometimes life throws us curveballs and that is not necessarily my favorite thing about life. Sure, life is very unpredictable and often hurts. I have some very good friends who I know I can count on when life gets rough. I don’t have many, but the ones that I do have proven that they are dependable and have been there for me whenever times get rough. Not all friendships last forever and that is one of my least favorite things about life. There is one very special girl that God brought into my life named Jen. Jen was probably my closest friend out of all of them. The reason I’m writing about this is because I need to try to get my feelings out because I’m depressed and maybe writing about it will help.
Jen and I met seven months ago on Facebook. I went to a treatment home in 2008 and she went to the same treatment home in 2009 so I never got to meet her. Jen posted in the Mercy Girls group on Facebook and I commented on it. She added me as a friend and we started talking. We exchanged phone numbers and we talked literally everyday. It might be over text, over Facebook or a phone call – we would talk either way. We had some of the greatest conversations. She was so incredibly sweet. Quite shortly after I met her, I remember she got into a car accident and no one believed me, but I knew it was the truth. I called my best friend in Minnesota and cried because I was so afraid that Jen wouldn’t make it. She turned out to be perfectly fine, no lasting effects from the accident. I helped her through a lot of things in her life and she helped me through a lot of things in my life. The real turning point began when she moved to California. She called me because she didn’t know what to do…she wasn’t sure if she should go because she had no where to stay but if she didn’t go she’d be out all the money she paid for the plane ticket. I told her to go and so she did.
She first arrived in Arizona and she got mad at me because I wasn’t reading the Bible (LOL) and so she left me for a couple weeks. She promised that it wouldn’t be forever and that she would “check up” on me periodically to see how I was doing. During her first “check up,” God told her to stay so she did. We resumed our normal talking everyday. While our talking everyday, she moved to California. I’m not going to go into all the detail of everything that happened there, but there were quite a few things that I’ll always remember: the abusive pastor’s wife, 5^th street, climbing a mountain, etc. Her main reason for moving to California was to start her ministry: The Leah Project. We found out that Leah was trapped under an abandoned barn and Jen literally slept in that filthy barn for a month just to keep Leah company. She also left me again, but that wasn’t because of anything I did. She was going to do this ministry program and the people going through it weren’t allowed to use their phones. After finding out it was more cult-ish than anything, Jen left. Man, was I ever excited to have her back!!!
During all this, Jen promised me that she would never leave me again, like she did the first time. She even sent me a text that said, “I will NEVER EVER leave you, no matter what, you’ve got me for life.” I believed her and let my guard down and trusted her. That was my mistake – trusting her. Anyway, later on we found out that Leah got free, but Jen has not been able to get in touch with Leah since her rescue. It’s okay though because we know Leah is free, safe and doing okay. I know that Jen was really hurting and in a very unsafe situation so I said, “You know, you should just come visit me.” We talked about it and we decided that’s what we would do. She contacted her friend to purchase her a bus ticket. She came over right after school. When I say after school, I mean after school. I came home from school on Wednesday and she came over on Friday.
My mom and I picked her up at the bus station. The minute I saw her, I knew it was her and I was beyond excited. I was flipping out inside, but I was trying my best to keep my composure. She spent 10 fun-filled days at my house. We had such a blast!!! We watched a lot of movies, played games, played Mad Libs on-line, went to my church, went to Passion, went to the mall and just talked. We had a couple fights, but they didn’t last more than 5 minutes. After a few minutes, I would apologize and she would forgive me. They never lasted long. During our movies, she would even lay on my stomach and I would play with her hair because I know that provided comfort and it made her feel better. After she left my house, she went to Maryland and then back to California. I told her not to worry about having a place to stay and that God would provide. She slept in the airport for a quite a while and during that time, I said that she should apply to Lee. She was skeptical, but agreed to. She actually got accepted the next day and Lee was pretty much giving her everything free, except tuition, which would be covered by her financial aid. I was so excited to have her at school with me. After a while, a cop found Jen sleeping in the airport and kicked her out and she was homeless again, on the streets. I said I could help her pay for a hotel room, but it wouldn’t be for very long – then she’d be homeless again. I spent hours calling homeless shelters but either they didn’t answer the phone or weren’t the right ones for her. The only thing that I knew to do was call the police so I did.
A policeman went to where Jen was and ended up finding her a transitional housing place and she now has her own apartment for two years for FREE!!! We still talked everyday and we still got along wonderfully. The turning point in our friendship happened when my parents went on a honeymoon vacation to Savannah, GA. That Saturday, Jen and I got into a fight because after all the doors God opened, she was closing them on Him. I kind of yelled at her and attacked her a little bit and therefore, she hung up on me. So I started crying because I was really upset. I was talking to Melissa’s husband, Matthew when my cousin arrived at my house. He basically said that because Jen loves God and I love hanging around her, that I should keep her around. During dinner, I texted Jen and she finally agreed to talk to me. After I got home, I called her and we talked for nearly an hour and a half. I apologized, told her that I supported her in whatever she did and that I loved her. She forgave me, said she loved me and thanked me for supporting her.
The following Monday, Jen texted me and told me that because of the recent attacks, she wanted to “take a break” from me again. It would be like the first break, without the periodic check-ups. I didn’t like the idea. She needed time to heal from the recent attacks (which I only remember the one), but I still didn’t like the idea. I had the feeling in the back of my head that this would be the same as losing her and I couldn’t let that happen. I agreed, but I said, “If you aren’t going to talk to me then I’m not going to let you talk to Leah either.” She said that if I didn’t let her talk to Leah, then I would be saying “no” to God, since God has chosen me to have Leah speak through. I let her talk to Leah anyway, even if I didn’t want to. Later that week, on like Wednesday or Thursday, Jen went missing. She wasn’t really missing, but she wasn’t speaking to me and she gave her phone to her friend and said, “Keep it,” then left. He called their mutual friend and that’s who she was with. She called me that night and we talked for about 20 minutes. I again apologized for attacking her about leaving me and she forgave me and said we were going to start over and I promised her no more attacks.
Friday night, she texted me and told me that she decided not to go to Lee University because she was where she was for a reason and she was dealing with a family emergency. I figured it had something to do with her “sisters,” because that’s really her only family besides me and Leah. She finally said, “I have a dead sister here.” My initial thought was Jessica because she and I both know that Jessica is struggling and having some issues. I asked what sister and she said, “Jess.” I knew it and since I believed her, I told her I was really sorry and that I’d be praying for her. She thanked me, but also said that she didn’t really care since Jessica never contacted her. I thought that was weird, but oh well. She said that she was only there for other people and was comforting her other sister and her niece – cause they couldn’t handle it. I said I’d be praying. Then while Jen was talking to Leah, I looked on Jessica’s facebook page and she had just posted 2 hours ago and I asked Jen about it and she said Jessica’s facebook got hacked into and she just never made a new one. I didn’t believe that for a second and then I checked an hour or so later and Jessica had posted 15 minutes ago. She was definitely alive.
I did some detective work. I looked in the Maryland obituaries and her name was not there. I thought about adding Jessica as a friend just to see what would happen. She accepted and then I messaged her and told her what was going on. Jessica told me that she was alive and that Jen was a good person but she has a problem with lying. Then she said that the reason she doesn’t contact her anymore is because she doesn’t want to deal with her drama anymore. When Jen found out that I contacted her sister, she was livid!!! She said that I crossed a boundary that I never should’ve crossed, but I know how friends are and friends care about each other’s families. I care about all of Jen’s sisters: Jessica, Nichole and Mikaela. I don’t really know them, but because Jen cares about them; then I do too. Jen just went off the deep end and told me that I was toxic, that God can’t use me, that all I ever do is attack her, that I have no friends, that I was a liar and a manipulator amongst many other things. It’s funny that she said all I ever do is attack her when I received a text that said, “I’m glad God brought us together and I don’t know what I’d do without the love and support you’ve given to me unconditionally throughout this journey I’ve been on.” So she knows that I love and support her and I always will.
She “ended” our friendship and that’s when I think it fully ended, but I’m not one to easily let people go or let people go at all. So I fought her on it, I tried everything in my power. She told me that God told her to let me go, but God told me to not leave her…so what am I supposed to do? I believe she will eventually come around. Remember she said I have her for life – then again, she told me she never should’ve promised that. She told me that she wouldn’t talk to me until I spent an entire year in a residential Christian counseling program and I refused, but then I was willing to try it if it meant that she would talk to me. I didn’t really think I needed it, I just needed counseling but not residential counseling. I told her that I would go to His Mansion and that it would hopefully heal our relationship. Wednesday she said, “I have a proposal…” She said that since the next intake was in September, she would talk to me till then. She said, “It won’t be everyday nor every week and it won’t be anything like it was before.” I was being very sweet that day and she said that the niceness seemed fake. I agreed because under the circumstances it probably would seem a little fake, but I assured her that it wasn’t fake. She said, “I don’t even know why I’m trying anymore” and I said, “Maybe it’s a God-thing.” She said, “I don’t think it’s a God thing because I’m going completely against Him right now because He told me to let you go."
Thursday morning she said that she caught me in another lie…that my friend’s daughter was never missing. I said that she can’t blame that one on me because I was just repeating what I heard. She said that wasn’t what annoyed her, the lie was that God gave me visions of her. I said, “Well, all I saw was some little blonde girl. It could’ve been any little blonde girl. I assumed it was her daughter because we’ve been talking a lot about her but it could’ve really been any child.” I didn’t see her face very clearly in the visions that I had seen. So Jen hasn’t talked to me since and she said we are completely over but I refuse to believe it. Here are a few texts I got from her that makes me believe that we are just not done yet:
1. "If they’re not a friend, why would it matter what they think of you? You’re beautiful & you’re awesome & you’re caring & loving. If they don’t want to be in your life, then it’s their problem, they’re missing out."
2. "I never had any doubts at all about that one. I think it was very clear from day 1. You love people despite all the hurt and pain you’ve had, you’re like me, we still love as if we’ve never been hurt. That’s what I love about you."
3. "You have more strength in you that is so powerful you don’t even realize you have it. I can see Jesus radiating inside your heart as each day passes by. He’s all over you girl, even in the midst of trials you go through."
4. "I cant tell you how much I love you so much. I thank God He’s brought us together because I don’t know what I’d do without your love & support that you’ve given me unconditionally throughout this journey I’ve been on. I’m NEVER EVER leaving you no matter what you’ve got me for life. I need you more than ever now & I know that you’re never leaving me nor will you ever stop believing in me. I also believe in you as well. We are both destined for GREATNESS IN THE LORD."
Plus when she says things like "Erin, I missed you so much" or "Do you know how much I love you?" I just know God’s not done with us yet and she’ll come around. I just keep praying for reconciliation.

Convocation

This year at Lee University, we have a thing called Convocation. My other schools were too small to have this and according to what I've noticed, no one would've really cared. Everynight I've been to Convocation, the Conn Center has been packed!!! That is actually a real blessing and it's great to be at a school where people are excited about spiritual formation. That doesn't happen very often. So the second night I went, we had a guy who works at the Headquarters for the Church of God preach to us. He was a very in-your-face kind of preacher and that's what I like. He spoke about Jesus' journey from the Garden of Gethsemane to Calvary. It was very moving and emotional. It had me on the edge of my seat. Toward the end of his sermon, he had an altar call, which is not what I'm used to experiencing lately. He said if you need forgiveness for anything or you just need to give some things up to Jesus, to come down. He said it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, just come down. So of course, I did. I tend to take part in a lot of altar calls because they always tend to apply to me because I know that I have a lot of things that I need to sort out with God.

After a while of just sitting there, praying and worshipping, he asked us to just grab hands with someone and start praying for them. My friend, Kayla was right next to me up at the altar and she didn't even know it until she looked behind her. She moved over to me and grabbed my hand and put her other hand on the side of my head and started praying. To be held like I was being held and be prayed for like that, did more than my words could ever express. After she stopped praying, I turned around and looked at the girl who was next to me, because I had heard her crying. I hugged her and she hugged me back. I hugged her for a long time and after I let go, I looked at her and she had a huge smile on her face. I felt that I probably really helped someone out.

Then I looked around and I saw this girl who was sitting in front of my group in the service. I could tell she was really sweet and I wanted to talk to her. She gave me the biggest and best hug, I had ever received in my entire life. She was so sweet and God immediately gave me a love for her. She is such a sweetheart. I saw this girl come up and get prayer from another girl at the altar, this girl just grabbed and hugged her and put her hands on her head. Being me, I said to myself I so want that girl to pray over me. They prayed for a really long time though and I didn't think I'd get the chance. Then the girl that was sitting in front of us was praying over one of her friends and had her hand on her head and I wasn't going to interrupt the prayer so I just waited. When she was done, I went over to her and asked her if she could pray for me. She gladly agreed!

We sat together at the altar and the first thing she did was she just hugged me and started praying. She prayed in tongues for a really long time and her prayer language is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard in my entire life. Beautiful, powerful, anointed...it's all that and so much more. She had her hand on my head too and so having her hand on my head and speaking in tongues just made it all the more powerful in my eyes. It was amazing. After she stopped, she told me a little bit of her story. It was so amazing, you don't even know. Then I found out her name was Mary. Then we exchanged phone numbers and she walked me back to my dorm.

Today (Tuesday) I saw Mary all day. I saw her at lunch, at dinner and when I arrived at the Conn Center for Convocation. Today our speaker spoke about integrity. During the end, he asked us all to hold hands as we sang Amazing Grace. Then he asked us to hold hands again as he prayed. He didn't really have an altar call, but he said the altar was open if we wanted to pray. He said, "Maybe you need to grab a friend or a staff member to pray with you up here." It was ironic that he said that, because I had asked Mary if we could pray after Convocation. She looked at me and asked me with her eyes if we should go up there and I nodded. We went up there and again, she prayed in tongues and once again, it was so beautiful. At first, I couldn't hear it because they were playing music, but then she moved her right up to my ear and then I heard her loud and clear. She had a vision of Jesus just kissing me all over...I smiled because that was a beautiful sight to envision. She is such a great friend and she told me today that the reason she continues to love on me so much is because she's just trying to express how much love God would give me if I were to meet Him face-to-face. Plus, the Bible says to love one another, as He has loved us. She also said, "We need to walk like Jesus walked on earth, we need to talk like Jesus did to His people through Scripture or in reality when He was on earth. We need to set an example to how to be a true Christian and that's what I'm doing and I'm still learning to be perfect like God." I love Mary and she's shown me how to be a better friend and a better follower of Christ.

My PERFECT North Carolina vacation!

I have lived in Georgia for two years now. Things have been okay. I have made a couple awesome friends, landed a couple good jobs and found an amazing church. Some other things have not been so amazing and I realized that I really needed a vacation. I had a couple vacation options set out in front of me and I chose to go to North Carolina and spend the weekend with one of my best friends, Linda!

On Friday, I honestly did not feel very good. I almost threw up a few times and my allergies were really affecting me. I probably should’ve told my mom to forget it and just go back home, but I was desperate for a break so I prayed my way through it. We left the house at 9 AM and when we were a half-hour from Gaffney I called Linda to let her knew we’d be there in about 30 mins. She said she was about a half-hour away too. When we got there, we parked at Burger King and I called Linda and asked if she could meet us there. She said she was just there and left to go to Pottery Barn where we were originally supposed to meet. She said she would be right there. I got out of the car to wait for her so she’d see me when she got there.

My mom was inside when Linda pulled up. I waved when I saw her because I immediately knew it was her. I couldn’t stop smiling because I hadn’t seen her in 2 years and now I was going to be able to spend 3 days with her. I have spent time with her but never 3 consecutive days so I was very excited. Linda got out of her car and gave me a hug. I said, “Wow, it’s been a long time.” My mom came outside and we got my stuff out of the trunk and put it in the back of Linda’s car. My mom said, “Enjoy yourself.” I said, “Oh, I will.” My mom and brother left as Linda and I headed over to the outlet mall to go window-shopping.

Linda and I walked around the outlet mall. We went to Pottery Barn first. We were just looking around, really not intending to buy anything. I had to save my money and neither of us had that much to spend. She was looking for a couple things for her 6-year-old. Then we went into a couple clothing stores but everything was too expensive. We went into a little place where we could eat. I wasn’t hungry but we decided to get a couple sodas and just sit, talk and catch up. After we finished that, we went into a couple more stores, but neither of us purchased anything in any of the stores we went into. It was fun though.

After our shopping excursion, we decided to go back to her house. I was excited to see Greg and the kids again. I didn’t exactly know how everything was going to go but last time I was there, we all got along so I was sure it was going to be just fine. I was very excited to show Linda just how much I had changed in the past two years. She gets weekly updates from me, but she hasn’t really talked to me all that much. On the way we just talked and I just asked her about things. When we got to her house, I saw Greg through the window, he smiled and waved at me so I smiled and waved back. Greg came into the kitchen where Linda and I were and gave me a hug. Then I saw the boys. Seth didn’t really remember me because he was only 4 last time he saw me. Reece and Kyle remembered me though and I gave them both hugs. The boys have grown so much!!! I also met Selah, the dog. She was very affectionate but much bigger than my dog. She’s a boxer/lab mix while I have a little 3-pound Chihuahua.

Greg, Linda and I talked a while about school, my job and just kind of about how my life has been the past 2 years.  After a little while, Linda and I went out on the back porch to sit and talk. It was hot, but I think it was the perfect weather to sit and talk. We had a lot to talk about since it had been so long since I had seen her. I told her that I had two things to tell her; one was a question and one was a comment. I told her that my comment was that she was really pretty today. I said, “I mean, you are always pretty but you just really are today.” Then the question was drawn out but I brought up the laying on of hands and asked since I had now proved that I have grown closer to Him if she would start doing it again. She said, “I’m going to say no right now.” She said that it felt a little forced because it just wasn’t natural for her, it was not something that she did for anyone but me. She felt like maybe if she was supposed to that she would be compelled to do it for others but hasn’t. I was a little disappointed, but then I told her I was okay with it and I really tried to be. Then after we talked about it a little more, she clearly made it known that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore and said she needed to figure out dinner for the kids. We went inside and she decided that whoever wanted to could go to JJ’s Red Hots. Seth wanted to sit next to me in the car and in the restaurant. It didn’t work in the car, but he did sit next to me at the restaurant. It was a nice time with Linda and the boys. We were originally going to walk there but I can’t walk 7 blocks and it started raining anyway so it was good that we didn’t walk there.

After everyone finished eating, Kyle drove everyone back to the house. He’s a pretty good driver for being only 16. When we got back to the house we decided to watch Cyberbully but Linda thought it wouldn’t be appropriate for Reece and Seth to watch it because of some of the language that was in it. Linda told them that we were watching a “big person” movie and not to come downstairs. While we watched Cyberbully, Linda also had brownies baking. The younger boys came down during the ending of the movie and Linda decided to let them watch the ending because it probably wasn’t as bad as she thought. After it was over, she ended up telling me that she liked it. I just said that it really can make a person think about how they treat others.

After all this, Linda and I went into Greg’s office and prayed. Before we prayed, she noted some changes that she saw in me. She said that I was more calm and less anxious than I used to be, I was closer to God and more reliant on Him than I used to be and finally, I was more joyful than I used to be. When we prayed, we prayed that I would feel better, that God would be in the counseling session tomorrow and that we would just enjoy being in God’s presence while I was there. After the prayer, I gave her a hug and said goodnight. Then I went upstairs to my room and went on-line for a while and then I was so tired that I ended up falling asleep rather quickly.

Saturday morning, I woke up around 9:30. Today Linda was taking me for a counseling session with my old counselor, Melonie. I really missed Melonie a lot. We left at about 10:15 because even though my session was at 11, we had to go to Rock Hill. When we arrived at the BTC building where her office is, I led the way because I remembered exactly where her office was. It turned out that her office was no longer in the place where it used to be. We walked back out to the foyer and looked at the directory, her office was still in that building but on the other end of the hall so we walked down the other end to find her new office. When we at arrived her door, I knocked and looked inside, but she still had someone in session. Melonie did come to the door and said, “It’ll be just a minute.” I was telling Linda that I was really excited cause it had been too long!

As soon as her client left, I was overjoyed and was so excited to see Melonie again. The first thing I did was give her a hug and it was actually a longer hug than normal, but understandably so. Linda asked if she could stay in the session and Melonie said, “Absolutely.” I did mention that I wanted to deal with Danielle’s death and we did talk a little bit about it, but as usually happens we got to talking about everything but that. We did get a lot covered in the hour though. As the hour came to an end, Melonie said she hated to cut it short but she had to wrap it up. I said, “It’s okay. At least I got to see you.” As requested by me earlier, she put her hand on my head and anointed me while she prayed. This time was different though because I have never felt God so strongly through Melonie before. I think she’s gotten closer since we first met (as everyone should be). Linda took a picture of Melonie and I, because I don’t have one and I thought it would be a nice memory.

After counseling on the way back to her house, we went to Del Taco because Linda hadn’t eaten anything yet today and her stomach growled during the counseling session so we had to get something. I wasn’t really that hungry so I didn’t get anything. We parked in the parking lot and talked while she ate. We had a nice talk on the way home, I really love my talks with Linda. God is always present and I love how He shows up when we talk. When we got back to her house, Linda said I could eat something if I wanted or whatever. I said, “Well, I’m going to go take a shower.” Linda got me a washcloth, a towel, shampoo and conditioner. I took a quick shower…and it was quick. When I got downstairs, Linda said, “That was the quickest female shower ever.” I said, “When I was at Mercy, our showers were timed so I learned how to take a quick shower.” Linda started to clip coupons because we were going to go grocery shopping a little later. Linda realized that I hadn’t eaten and she asked what I wanted to eat, I didn’t really say anything because I don’t like eating other people’s food and if they don’t happen to have what I like, then I feel like I’m being difficult. I ended up cooking macaroni and cheese…Phineas and Ferb macaroni and cheese.

While I was cooking, Seth was showing me some of his Lego creations and telling me all about them. He’s a pretty creative kid. Linda ended up coming into the kitchen and we talked while I was eating. Then Greg came into the kitchen and we got into a very deep spiritual talk, probably the deepest I ever had. We talked about the head covering, how to know if you can trust a person, forgiveness and the laying on of hands. I almost didn’t want Linda to bring up the laying on of hands thing because I don’t want to push it on her, but the way she presented it made me feel very at ease. She didn’t put me down at all, she was asking if she was wrong in not doing it, if she should do it for me, etc. It came down to the fact that because she was not on the receiving end of it, she didn’t know how I felt and that maybe it did mean something to me. It was all really interesting and instead of being oppositional like I probably would’ve been in the past, I was really receptive.

After all that happened, Linda and I decided that we were going to go to the grocery store. Normally, I don’t like grocery shopping, but I figured that I’d be with a friend so it would be more fun. It was!!! We went to Harris Teeter and were greeted by this guy (who just happened to be a Christian) and persuaded Linda to buy a couple of pies. I guess they were having a contest or something because whenever someone bought a pie, they would announce it. Linda and I thought it was hilarious. We were at the store for a really long time, but we had a lot of fun. We bought a lot including 5 gallons of ice cream.

When we got back, I played Family Feud on my phone while Linda cooked. I talked to her while I was playing too. We had grilled chicken and fettucine alfredo for dinner. It was actually all really good. I was trying to be more open-minded about everything, because I am actually really picky but I wanted Linda to see that I have changed in the two years that she hadn’t seen me. After dinner, Linda went upstairs to do whatever and I told her that I’d meet her downstairs so that we could pray. Linda met me downstairs after a little while and we went into Greg’s office and prayed. We prayed for my family, my relationship with my possible new roommate (Cassie), my head & stomachache and that God would continue being present during the rest of my time here. After we prayed, my headache seemed to have spread so we went into the kitchen and first I took some medication and then Linda used these essential oils that her friend sold her (I guess they are used for healing) and she used this lavender oil which is supposed to be calming and she put some on my forehead (and it did help)! She went to spend time with Greg so I gave her a hug, told her I loved her. I went up to my room and went on-line and talked to some friends before I got tired and went to sleep.

Sunday morning I woke up and got dressed for church. Linda and her family do not go to Central anymore, which was kind of upsetting because I really like Central. There are three churches in the Carolinas that I just love: Central, Forest Hill and Morningstar and I wasn’t going to either of them. We went to Harbor Baptist Church. It wasn’t anything special and it wasn’t really my kind of church, but it was okay. The music was nothing special, but the sermon was pretty good. It was just very low-key, small, quiet and traditional. I’m totally the opposite I like high energy, large, loud and contemporary. I mean, it’s okay for Linda and her family, but it’s just not my thing.

After a while, we left and went back to Linda’s house. I changed out of my church clothes into whatever I was going to wear home and I called my parents and they told me they were in Rock Hill and they’d be there to pick me up at 1. I went back downstairs and told Linda they’d be here at one so we should pray soon. She said, “We can pray now.” I said, “Sounds good.” We decided to pray outside. We were talking and I said that I really enjoyed my weekend and that her house is such a God-filled atmosphere. She was glad about that. I had a question to ask her and wasn’t sure how to say it, but all I had to say was, “You know, I haven’t seen you in two years and I don’t know when I will see you again and…” She finished my thought perfectly and said, “You want me to lay my hand on your head?” I said, “Yes, I do.” To my great surprise, she said she would. She said that it did feel a little forced but she wasn’t uncomfortable, it just wasn’t a natural thing for her. She asked what I wanted prayer for. I said for safe travel home, the whole school situation and to continue growing closer to God.

My parents came shortly after and Linda told Greg and he was in the basement, but he came up to give me a hug goodbye. Then Linda and Seth walked me out and I gave both of them a hug and left. As we were out to eat, I realized I forgot to take a picture (and was real depressed about it because I don’t know when I’d be able to get one) and I also felt like I was forgetting something. We went back to Linda’s and I told her that I felt like I forgot something and we looked but I realized that I had everything – I just packed everything so fast, it felt like something was missing. I also reminded Linda we never took a picture. She said, “You did not come back just to take a picture!” I said, “No, I didn’t, but now that I’m here, I might as well.” After we took a picture then I left for good.

I miss the Singerle family sooooooooooooooooo much!!!!! I had a great time and I can’t wait to see them all again!

My amazing day with amazing Melissa

My day with Melissa today was unlike any other day I’ve had with her. I’ve had good days with her before – everyday with her is good, but today was amazing!!!!! Amazing is totally an understatement, but there isn’t a word in the English language to describe the kind of day I had.

 

Sunday morning, I was teaching the kids again. My two favorite kids weren’t there, but we still had a good time. Caralyne is such a sweet little girl, she kept giving me hugs all day today it was really cute. I was really nervous because Hope was teaching with us today and I knew that Hope didn’t really like me. Surprisingly, she talked to me a lot and before she left, she gave me a really good hug back. I did get to see some friends today like Rosie, Janie, Adrianna, Kristen and Kim. I love Kim so much – I just light up when I see her. After church, I also got to see Chelsea and I haven’t seen Chelsea in a while. She is so beautiful and probably the most awesome 16-year-old I know. I tried to ask some friends if they could watch Mikayla for me on Saturday but so far no one that I asked could do it.

 

When I got home, I couldn’t sleep because I was going to Passion with Melissa tonight. She is awesome. I went to Target first with my mom to get a life jacket for my brother, it was funny because I tried it on to see if it’d fit my brother but my mom couldn’t get it off me. The check-out person might as well have scanned me. Then when I got home, I just went on-line for a while. Melissa called me to say she was running a little late, but she’d be here soon. She arrived about 20 minutes after she called.

 

I ran out to the car and Melissa was so excited to see me. Once again, we had a very meaningful conversation on the way to church. We always do and I love that we can have meaningful conversations. I can’t just have them with anyone. We talked a little bit about her testimony and she was just really nervous about it because she doesn’t really know what her testimony is. We talked a little bit about school. The most important thing that we talked about was God. We always talk about God though because He is the central focus in each of our lives.

 

When we got to the church, we sat in her car for a long time and she read the essay that I wrote about her. She didn’t cry, but she told me that she got choked up a couple times. After she read it, you could tell that she was really touched and that it was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for her. She really appreciated it and I was happy that she did.

 

As we walked inside, she got a call from Matthew and she had her arm around me the entire time. We met Matthew inside and we had to get inside the sanctuary quickly because church was about to start. We actually sat near the back because there were no seats near the front. I really don’t like sitting near the back of the church – but this was not something that I could control. Worship was really good and during the song “Thank You God For Saving Me” Melissa looked at me and grabbed my hand and lifted it up halfway. I love when she does that. However, during the song “I’ll Stand,” I had both my arms up, but that was because the song says, “I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned…” Service was really good too. We had a few baptisms and Pastor Louie talked about when Jesus fed the 5,000 and how Jesus can do anything with what you have. It doesn’t matter how little you have, He can do miraculous things with it. The most influential statement he said was: God gets the glory, but you get the story.

 

After church, we decided to go out to dinner which has become our Sunday evening tradition. Matthew asked Melissa where she wanted to go and I smiled (but cringed inside) when she said Tin Drum. Matthew asked if I liked Tin Drum and I said, “No, but that’s okay. It doesn’t matter. We can go anywhere.” To please me, they decided to go somewhere else and they asked if I liked Longhorn and I said, “Yeah.” We went to Longhorn and we talked the whole time about so many things. We talked about Matthew and Melissa’s relationship, school, my job with the girls and God of course. I had ordered an IBC root beer to drink and it was funny because Melissa thought it was actual beer when they poured it for me, but I told her that I do not care for beer or any kind of alcohol for that matter. During the end of dinner, Matthew began to feel not so well. He said that he had been feeling that way since church and that his stomach hurt really bad. I felt for him because I know how much that sucks – since I feel that way all the time. During dinner Melissa said that God told her to hold my hand and that’s why she did at church and I said, “That’s right because I told God to tell you to.”

 

After dinner, we drove back to the church because Matthew rode with us to the restaurant in Melissa’s car. We drove him back so that he could get his car. I mentioned on the way back to the church that since I have a healing gift, maybe I should pray for Matthew. Melissa said, “You should.” I said, “I will when we get back to the church.” The restaurant was not a long way from the church so I didn’t have much time to decide what I was going to say. I finally had an idea in mind and I wasn’t sure how Melissa would feel about it, but I felt like it was the best way to go about this. As soon as we parked next to Matthew’s car, Melissa said, “You want to do this outside?” I said, “Yeah, I have an idea of how I’m going to do this.” We got out of the car and I said to Matthew, “Okay, you said it was your neck and arm that hurt right?” He said, “Yes.” I said to Melissa, “Okay, Melissa I want you to lay hands on him and I am going to lay hands on you and let the healing flow from me, through you, to him.” She said, “Sounds good.” She laid her hands on him, where he was hurting and then I laid my hand on her shoulder and prayed and I really took authority over the pain and asked God to lessen the pain and that every part of his body that wasn’t working as it should to line up according to the Word. I asked God to bless Matthew and Melissa’s relationship. I asked that God would let Matthew have a great night’s sleep without pain and that when he wakes up that he’ll feel renewed, refreshed and rejuvenated ready to start the day in worship of God. He thanked me and hugged me and told us that he would say a prayer for each of us tonight.

 

As soon as we got in the car to go home, Melissa said that was such a great prayer. She was really amazed at how well I worded everything. She especially said she loved how I asked for every part of his body to line up according to the Word. She thought that was so great. She complimented me a lot that night. She said that she had such a great time with me and that she couldn’t have asked for a better dinner partner. She said, “You were like a bundle of joy all night. Joy joy joy joy down in my heart.” I started laughing. I said, “Well, I had a great time tonight.” Closer to my house she said that the decision I made about praying for Matthew the way I did – by having Melissa lay hands on him and me lay hands on her was such a mature decision. She felt like it was perfect and that I couldn’t have made a better decision. I said, “I just felt like it was more appropriate. I didn’t feel like I should lay hands on him. You’re dating so I felt like it would be better if you did it.” Then I was talking to her about discipleship and she stopped me and said, “I don’t mean to change the subject but you know what I love most about you?” I said, “What?” She said, “That you just love God so much.” She went on and on about how much I love God and how the reason that she feels unworthy of being my friend is because I love on her so much and I am so nice to her and she feels like she isn’t that good of a friend to me because she’s always so busy.

 

I asked her if there was anything else about her life that she wanted to share with me. She shared a story about how when she was younger and started to really get closer with God, she was experiencing spiritual warfare and could see into the spiritual realm. Her parents were so freaked out by this that they had Melissa locked up in mental institute 6 times!!! Part of her problem with sharing her testimony was that she didn’t want to put her parents in a bad light, but she had been through hell when she was locked up. I said, “Well, what you can say is that you have been through hell and it is your parent’s fault, BUT it wasn’t against you. You know they love you. It was because they simply didn’t understand your spiritual condition. God had never gotten to them like He got to you.” She said, “Wow! I’m going to use that.” I said, “He’s got such a great plan for you and the reason that you can see things spiritually and have deeply witnessed spiritual warfare is because you couldn’t fulfill this plan if you didn’t.” She said, “Wow! I’m excited!” I said, “I’m excited too.”

 

After we got to my house, we prayed. First I prayed for her, it wasn’t a very good prayer though. I prayed for her mission trip and I prayed that any feelings of worthlessness or anything like that would be erased and that God would heal her heart. I prayed for her family and that God would get through to them and to better understand Melissa. Then she prayed for me she prayed over my friend’s death, school and my family. Then I asked her, “Look normally I would text this kind of a question but I’m going to just ask it since my phone is going to die. I know you already prayed but do you think you could pray some quick thing and pray in tongues and lay your hand on my head?” She almost looked like she was going to say no. She said, “Well, I don’t know if I can do it on command but I can try.” She started out holding my hand and OMG!!! She prayed in tongues the entire time!!! She did put her hand on my head, but as usual, she moved in all different positions and it was very comforting. Afterwards she said that I looked so out of it that she was concerned. I said, “No, I’m fine. I am just in such a peaceful state that I almost can’t take it.”

 

I LOVE this girl!!!!

My awesome trip to Minnesota

Friday: Friday was the day I left for Minnesota. I didn’t even go to sleep that night. There wasn’t really any point because my bus left at 2:55 AM. I took a bus this time instead of a plane because it was much cheaper. My mom and I left for the Greyhound station at 1:30. My mom got so pissed because we didn’t exactly know where we were supposed to park so my mom just left her car in front of the station while we brought my stuff inside. Once she left, I was so relieved because I was going to be spending 16 days with my best friend of all time without getting yelled at or anything. I was standing there so aimlessly so I asked an employee what I was supposed to do so she helped me check my stuff in. Then she told me my bus would be at gate 5. My bus got there about 5 minutes late but it was okay. I got on the bus and started making small talk with a guy named Jerry that was sitting behind me. He wasn’t a Christian but that didn’t stop me from talking about my Christianity with him. We drove through Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky and when we got to Columbus, OH I had to transfer busses and that bus was so late! I was pretty mad. Finally it came and we finally got going we drove through Ohio and Indiana. One of our stops we picked up A BUNCH of people and that bus was FULL of people. I called my Grandma when I was in Elkhart to surprise her. I did because she had no idea I was there. After all that, I was freaking out because I had told Beth I would be at the bus station at 5:35 but since our bus was late, I wasn’t going to get there until about 6. She had to leave for school at 7 so I was freaking out thinking that I was going to make her late to school. I tried calling her several times and she FINALLY called me back and we talked about it. Then we stopped so I could transfer busses in Chicago and I had to book it because my bus was already there. There weren’t very many people on the bus this time and we stopped twice in Wisconsin and I slept for a while but once we got into Minnesota, I was really excited. I had previously made plans to go to Allegra’s if I was going to make Beth late for school but Beth said it wouldn’t be a problem. Allegra was pretty mad when I told her I wasn’t coming but I told her that I was only going to go to her house if I was going to make Beth late for school.

Saturday: I called Beth when I got into Minnesota and she came and got me about 20 minutes later. I was so excited to see her. She was so beautiful and we walked over to each other and I gave her a huge hug. We put my stuff in the car and then got in the car and headed to her house. I was just so excited to see her that I don’t think we stopped talking all the way to her house and I certainly didn’t want her to go to school. Troy and Adrian were already up and I was excited to see my little bear and meet Beth’s fiancé. I stayed up for a little bit but then about 9, I fell asleep. I was really really tired. I woke up at about 1 and it seemed like it was going to be forever until Beth got home from school and the reason I was so hyped about her coming home from school was because she was going to pray deliverance over me today. When she got home from school, I was so excited but then I got let down because she said that she had prayed about it and didn’t think she was fit to pray deliverance over anyone until she talked to someone who had more experience with it. I was actually really pissed about it. After a while, Troy made spaghetti for dinner. After we ate Beth and I cleaned up dinner while Troy gave Adrian a bath. Troy put on his Mickey Mouse onesie that Patrick picked out and it looked so cute on him. Then we all went for a walk, while we were on the walk Riva called me and we talked for a while. After about an hour Riva and I hung up and then Beth and I talked a little bit. Then I went to sleep.

Sunday: Today I went to church super early because Beth was teaching children’s church today for the first time. When I found out Beth was going to be teaching the kids for both services I got mad and told Beth if I would’ve known that, I wouldn’t have even come. She actually got mad and I don’t think she understands how quickly my faith is fading. I stayed with Beth until 5 minutes before service. I walked into the sanctuary and kind of stood around in the back for a while deciding where I was going to sit. I sat near the back, which is out of the ordinary for me; I always sit in the front. Today we sang “Matchless” “For Who You Are” and “Stronger.” The speaker was a missionary from northern India named Dinesh Chand. Our closing song was “A New Hallelujah.” It was okay but it was still not my thing. After service I met one of Beth’s friends Michael Bushilla because she said that he and his wife were trained in deliverance. I talked to him about it. The talk didn’t seem to lead to anything so I thought it was pretty pointless. He asked if he could pray over me and I let him, but I didn’t feel God or anything. I walked back out to where Beth was and she asked me how service was and I said, “Boring.” Troy and Adrian were already there. Troy was surprised that Beth was teaching both services. I walked with Troy to take Adrian to the nursery and he cried as soon as we dropped him off. Troy and I walked to the sanctuary but this time I stood in the back the whole time because I wanted to catch Michael and his wife, Paula before they left. After church Troy, Beth, Adrian and I spent a little time at the church playground. Beth was trying to figure out what to do tonight because her baby-sitter cancelled and she had a softball game tonight. I said I was going to Teresa’s and I could take Adrian with me and Teresa and I could baby-sit him. She said that would be a great help. I called Teresa to see if that would be okay and she said that would be fine. We got back to Beth’s house and Beth was going to make lunch but first she did my hair because tonight ABC was having a reunion concert for the choir and I was going to sing in it. I was so excited, I really missed being in the choir. My hair looked really cute afterwards. Teresa arrived shortly after and came inside for a bit. Beth said hi to Teresa and met Shelby (Teresa’s daughter). We packed up Adrian’s stuff and Beth walked us out to the car and we got Adrian in the car seat and left for Teresa’s. Surprisingly, Adrian never made a peep. He was so content. Shelby was nuts over Adrian, she liked him a lot and Teresa told me that she likes kids that are younger than her. We got to Teresa’s and she had the kids change into the shirts that I bought for them and they were so cute in them. I made sure to take pictures. We had some cake and Caleb opened his presents. Adrian was such a good baby the whole time, never cried or anything. I was really impressed with him. Then I had Teresa take me to the church. Teresa would baby-sit Adrian until Beth and Troy were done with their softball game. When I got there it was so cool meeting up with everyone that I missed seeing like Sammie, Jill, Ashleigh, Amy, Jennifer, Lori, Elaina, Adreanna, Casey, Celsy, Krystal, Mercedes and even Greyley. Rehearsal started at 5 and we ran through everything. There were several songs that I didn’t know but there were more that I knew. The concert started at 7 and I doubted that Troy and Beth were even going to come and as it turned out as soon as they sat down, the concert started. I didn’t see them walk in but Troy said they got there right when it started. We started out with some older songs like “God Is in Control” “This Man” “Stranger” and something about Him keeping you in perfect peace if you keep your mind stayed on Him. Then we had an intermission and I saw Troy and he said that Beth was outside. During the concert several times I saw Beth walking in and out. It was actually distracting and made me a little irritated. She said that she had to because Adrian can’t sit still that long, it was loud and it was really hot. After the intermission, we sang all the songs we had chosen from the “Washed” album “Jesus Is My Rock” “Jesus, You’re Beautiful” “Washed” “I Will Trust In Thee” “Higher Ground” “Power” “In The Morning” and “What I Got.” During the end of “What I Got” certain members of the choir form 2 lines and the ones that want to can dance for about 10 seconds in between the two lines while the rest of the choir says, “Go (name!)” until they finish. I never did it before and I knew I’d probably never get the chance again so I did it this time. The choir said, “Go Erin, go Erin, go Erin…” till I finished. I couldn’t find Beth or Troy after the concert, so I went downstairs and said goodbye to a few people like Amy, Greyley, Elaina, Jill and Krystal. Then I finally found Troy in the car and he said Beth went to look for me but that he’d go get her. My voice was completely shot that night. Beth was so tired that we prayed in the car on the way home because she figured she’d be too tired when she got home. When we got home, we were all exhausted that we fell asleep right away.

Monday: Today I woke up and I was pretty excited because I was going to hang out with Allegra today. Allegra called me that morning and said that she’d pick me up around two. I didn’t have anything to do since Beth and Troy were at work and Adrian was at daycare. I decided to be nice and do the dishes or at least what I could do until Allegra arrived. She called when she was close because she was a little lost so I went out to the porch so she could see me. When she arrived, we had a little trouble getting her over the porch because she is 7 months pregnant. As soon as she got in the house she said, “Give me a hug” so I did. Then she had to use the bathroom and I told her where it was. Then we left and went to Menards because she had to get some paint for the baby’s dresser and a ceiling fan. We only succeeded in getting the fan. After that we went back to her house and I gave her the clothes I got for her baby. I got her a little white onesie that says, “I may be little but to Jesus I’m big stuff,” a little pink onesie that says, “God Made Me Special,” a little pink t-shirt that says, “my daddy makes me smile” and a navy blue tank top that says “mommy’s little shining star.” She loved the “God Made Me Special” one. The “my daddy makes me smile” one is pointless because the daddy is no longer in Allegra's life because he wants to become a Muslim. Idiot! Then we went upstairs and she made sandwiches and macaroni and cheese for lunch. We ate and talked. Afterwards, we just sat in the living room, talked and watched TV. We were going to go to her sister’s house but she wasn’t home so we went back to Allegra’s and talked some more. I started to feel sick but I didn’t let her know that, I tried to play it cool. I texted Beth and asked her if she could pick me up on her way home from work because she worked in Cottage Grove and Allegra lived in Cottage Grove. She said she could but she’d have to pick up Adrian first because if he’s there overtime, she’ll get charged. Before Beth arrived, I prayed with Allegra about a whole bunch of things, it was a pretty good prayer actually. Allegra said it was too. Beth called and Allegra told her how to get to her house. Allegra and I went outside to wait for her and she arrived shortly after. They talked for a long time and I think they’ll become good friends. Beth can help Allegra with all the baby stuff, since she has a baby. Beth invited Allegra to the Pathway to Freedom group. Then I used Beth to demonstrate and show Allegra what I meant by “laying on of hands” but she still thought it was weird, but she doesn’t mind holding hands. Then all 3 of us held hands and Beth prayed for Allegra since I already had. Beth took a couple pictures of Allegra and me and Allegra met Adrian. He looks a lot like her nephew. Allegra gave us some cupcakes and then Beth and I left to go back to Beth’s. Beth made chicken noodle soup for dinner and then we went to the grocery store. Adrian had gotten this ball and kept throwing it out of the cart, which was annoying. Then he was getting restless and so Beth had to strap him in and he had a screaming temper tantrum and had a total floor display. He wasn’t totally on the floor so maybe he had a cart display. Beth had me open a banana and feed it to him so he’d stop screaming and that worked out well. After we got back, Beth cut Troy’s hair and I met some of the young girls that lived in the neighborhood. Then it was late so Beth and I prayed and then she went to bed.

Tuesday: Today Beth was at work and Adrian was at daycare when I got up. Today I was going to meet with Michael and Paula to talk about deliverance. Beth called me on her way home from work and said that she would drop me off. She was on the phone with Paula when she got home. She ended up telling me that Michael and Paula would be here to pick me up at 7 because if Beth dropped me off at their house on her way to school then they wouldn’t be home. Earlier this week, I ended my friendship with this young girl named Sharon because she’s just too young for me, we have nothing in common and we fight all the time. She didn’t really care yet she kept texting me pretending like we were best friends saying “I love you too bestie” and “Besties for life” and stupid stuff like that. She wouldn’t leave me alone and then she called me and proceeded to pretend we were best friends and it got to be too much for me and I hung up on her. Then Paula and Michael came and we went out to eat at Green Mill. We talked about deliverance the whole time and it was getting a little old because I hate when people quote Scripture to me or tell me things like “Jesus died for you” because I already know that. It gets annoying. Then we went back to their house and talked more about deliverance. We filled out this little questionnaire so that they could get a better idea of what I was dealing with. Beth and her friend Samantha came and talked with us. Then they all laid hands on me and prayed over me. Then we all read this prayer together. We decided my deliverance would take place on Thursday after Beth got out of school. We took Samantha home and then Beth prayed for me and then we went to sleep.

Wednesday: Today I did absolutely nothing at all. Sharon kept calling me and finally I asked my mom if there was a way I could block her number so that she couldn’t call me. My mom asked for her number and she blocked it for me. When she called me the first time I said, “Leave me alone!” The next time she called I said, “If you call me again, I will place a police order on you.” She hasn’t called me since. She tried texting and I pretended to be a robot and said, “This number no longer accepts text messages from your mobile device.” She never texted again. I ordered a pizza for dinner because even though I’m tired of pizza, it would be quick and easy. Troy came home and just did whatever he wanted and then Beth finally came home from school. We prayed and then I spent about 45 minutes praying deliverance with Britni. I watched Holes thinking that I’d fall asleep before it was over but I didn’t. I could not sleep. When it was over, I fell asleep shortly after that.

Thursday: I woke up while Beth was getting ready for work. I actually got up, ate breakfast and took a shower. Then I listened to some praise music and then ended up falling asleep. I’m very excited because tonight after Beth got off of school, I was going to get deliverance prayed over me. They said this would be a 5-hour process. I didn’t really do anything at all because I was thinking about the whole deliverance thing. My friend, Riva did call me once so we could pray about this deliverance. I had every belief that God would deliver me. We left for Michael and Paula’s house about 7. I was very excited and a little nervous but that is common because the demons are scared. We were going to pray in the barn and when Michael saw Beth and me, he told us to go upstairs. We were going to pray in the office. The first thing we did was pray for God to protect us and our families. We prayed A LOT! We prayed to break generational curses and soul ties. We prayed against rejection, witchcraft, death and suicide, false religions. I had to go through a list and forgive everyone that I had resentment against: it was REALLY hard to forgive Nadia, but I did. I even forgave Beth for an offense that happened years ago. It felt good. I was anointed once and I can’t remember why. Then he anointed me again when he prayed against self-harm. Beth and I held hands for a couple of the prayers. He laid his hands on my head a couple times and he would say things like rejection, go…death, go…pride, go…stuff like that. Then he “stood in” as a father figure and read a Father’s Blessing over me. I learned a lot of what I went through was because I was in agreement with the enemy and that kind of scared me. When Beth and I finally left, we drove through McDonald’s and then we went back to her place. I prayed because I was really jazzed up and then we went to bed. I was exhausted even though I didn’t think I would be.

Friday: Friday Beth had work so I just hung around the house until then. I texted Allegra and asked if she was coming to Pathway tonight and she said she couldn’t because she was going to have dinner with her dad. When she got home, we quickly fed Adrian and she had a little something to eat. Then when Troy got home, we headed to the church for the Pathway to Freedom group tonight. We started out eating and fellowshipping for a half-hour. Then Troy took Adrian to the nursery and we had Praise and Worship we sang “God With Us” “Everlasting God” and another one that I don’t know. Then Pastor Steve taught the lesson and then we split up into our small groups. Thankfully, I was in Beth’s group and when it was my turn to share I got pretty deep about how God has already fought the battle and all we have to do is accept the victory. We have to decide what’s more important: our struggle or God? True obedience is willing to give up what’s holding us back to get closer to the One who’ll bring us out. Everyone thought it was profound. I threw Beth off track and this one girl, Jenny said, “Wow! I like you!” After the group, Beth and I went to get Adrian from childcare. Then we ended up having some birthday cake and I ended up talking to this girl, Renee about what I talked about in group. She said it was a blessing to her. We exchanged phone numbers and she’s real sweet. When we got home, Beth and I prayed and then we went to bed.

Saturday: Beth did have school this afternoon, so I did have to wait until she came back. I was on the phone with Patrick when she got back and I screamed. She went to get Adrian from her neighbor and she took such a long time. We were supposed to go shopping today, but somehow we just didn’t find the time. Instead of going shopping, Beth and I went to the laundromat and did her laundry. While we were waiting for her laundry to get done, we went to get ice cream and we did a Bible study with “Lord, I Want To Know You.” We went over the small group discussion questions because I thought it would get us to share more. We discussed those and we discussed more while we folded clothes. She folded hers and Troy’s and I folded Adrian’s. It was fun although she said that I fried her brain with all those questions. I think afterwards we were too tired to go shopping. The rest of the day, we just kind of hung around and didn’t do much of anything. It was kind of a dull day. Beth confessed a sin to me and I ended up crying because it broke my heart. She did say she was glad I was there because she doesn’t have many girlfriends that she can have good, clean fun with. Tonight we went to the drive-in to see Cars 2. Troy was the only one who didn’t end up falling asleep. When we got home, we prayed quickly and went to sleep. Beth was a little irritable tonight.

Sunday: Today I was excited because we were going to church and Beth was finally coming to service. We dropped Adrian off in the nursery and started walking toward the sanctuary. I heard worship had already started and I said, “We’re late? I hate that!” I really do hate being late to church. We sang two songs today “Grace Like Rain” and “God Bless America.” We came right in at the end of “Grace Like Rain” but Beth jumped into worship right away. Then the pastor Jim Anderson preached and the title of the sermon was “The Master’s Instructions While Away.” It was good but I was very tired. Today we had a healing service but it was much different than say, Forest Hill’s healing service but then again Beth’s church is smaller than mine. During the healing service we sang “God Of My Days” and “Surrender.” I love both of those songs. Beth asked if I needed prayer and I said I did but I liked it better when she prayed so she prayed for me. We didn’t go home for a long time today because we had to go shopping for wedding stuff. I ended up falling asleep in the car. Beth got a little tux for Adrian, flower girl dresses for her flower girls and vases for her centerpieces. We went to Target, Wal-Mart and the dollar store. Once we finally got everything, we finally headed back home and unpacked everything. I don’t think we did much else today because we were tired and it would be pointless. Beth and I prayed together and then went to sleep.

Monday: Today no one had work because it was 4^th of July. Beth, Troy and Adrian went to the beach for a little bit in the morning. They said I was welcome to come with but for one I don’t really like the beach and I wanted a little peace and quiet so I passed. They were afraid I’d get burned anyway. Then when they came back, we just kind of laid around for a while, talked and just hung out together. I saw Beth’s wedding dress (really super gorgeous) and she’s going to look like a princess. I originally wanted to go to the capital to see fireworks because they have the best ones but there was a place locally that we could walk to in Hastings so we went there instead. Someone was shooting off illegal fireworks, but they were like the regular fireworks that you would see. It was like they were pre-fireworks fireworks. Beth heard her favorite patriotic song “God Bless The USA” playing. Then the real fireworks started and soon after we were joined by Troy’s friend, Tony and Tony’s fiancée, Karissa. The fireworks were okay and could’ve been better but at least we got to see fireworks. When we got back, Beth said that it would be too late to cut my hair so she’d do it tomorrow. I asked her if she could straighten it though and she said she would. After she finished, I prayed and then we went to bed.

Tuesday: Beth went to work today but she didn’t have school and that made me happy. While Beth was at work though, I finally got to talk to Nancy but that brought around a very unhappy discovery. Her husband doesn’t want her to talk to me anymore. We talked for quite a while though. Almost two hours about 1 hour and 51 minutes. I finally got to hear her call me “baby girl.” Then I talked to my mom a little bit and almost right before Beth came home, Linda called me! We talked for about 17 minutes. It was so nice being able to talk with Nancy and Linda today because it has been so long since I got to talk to either of them. Beth came home while I was talking to Linda and after I hung up we fed Adrian and ate dinner, but he was being a little ornery. Then after we ate, Beth cleaned up a little and decided we were going to take Adrian to the park. While we were playing peek-a-boo with Adrian, I got a call from Hannah. Hannah is a sweetheart, I love her. Hannah and I talked for 52 minutes. We prayed together and that was the first time she ever prayed with someone and she was so good at it. It was a beautiful prayer. We talked for a long time and she makes me feel so worth it. Then we came home and Beth and I talked about what kind of haircut she could give me. She’s going to give me this layered cut and it’ll be so cute! I fell asleep while Beth and Troy watched a movie. Beth said it was too late to give me a haircut but since Adrian will be asleep when she gets home, she’ll do it then. She did fill out a couple of college reference forms for me. She prayed quickly and then she went to sleep.

Wednesday: Today I didn’t do much because Beth was back at work and school. I have been fully rejected by Britni telling me not to text her unless I know the exact date she’ll be healed. I tried talking to Patrick but he is so annoying. I’m so glad we are not together because I can’t handle it anymore. I also talked to Riva and we had a good discussion, but we always do. Beth stopped in quickly before school and it was great to see her before she headed off to school. When Beth got home she told me that she couldn’t cut my hair, yet again, because she brought the wrong bag home. It kind of disappointed me. Then we spent a little time together listening to her wedding CD of songs that she’s going to have playing during the ceremony. That was fun! Then Beth said she was going to go to bed but I thought she was going to work on the reference forms she printed out tonight, but she said she was going to work on those during her lunch tomorrow. We prayed really quickly. First I prayed and then she closed it. Then we went to sleep.

Thursday: Once again, Beth had work and school. This morning I found out that my uncle died, it didn’t really affect me though because I didn’t really know him. I’d been texting Riva and Beth throughout the day. I was really bored but I thought today I’d be extra nice and clean the house. I did the dishes that were in the sink, I cleaned off the kitchen table, I picked up the living room and I cleaned up the tornado of shoes in the hallway. I figured Beth had a long hard day at work and school and the last thing she’s going to want to do is clean the house and so I figured I’d do everything except her room. I hope she appreciates it; I want to earn my keep. She is putting up with me for 16 days, which can be quite the experience. She was stunned when she got home and she was very thankful for what I did. She said it looked amazing. Today she was going to cut my hair but first Beth made Troy try on his tux for the wedding and he did. Then she got all set up to cut my hair. I was her first real haircut and it took her FOREVER but she said, “I don’t want to jack up your hair.” My hair didn’t actually look that bad. Afterwards, we were tired so she prayed and then we went to sleep.

Friday: Today I wasn’t alone because Troy didn’t have to work. He was home most of the day and a little later in the afternoon, about an hour before Beth came home from work, some neighborhood kids came over to hang out. Troy is so good with kids! Beth came home while the kids were still there and we all hung out for a while. Today Adrian was wearing the airplane shirt that I got for him, so I had to get a picture. When Beth got home, she had to quickly take a shower because we had Pathway To Freedom tonight. I hoped Allegra would show up. She said, “Probably not this week,” but I still hoped she would. Tonight we sang one song that I don’t know but we also sang “Rescue” and “The Motions.” I was actually really irritated because Beth disappeared for all Praise & Worship and “The Motions” is one of her favorite songs. Then Pastor Steve taught for just a little bit and this guy named Dan gave his testimony. Then during our small group, I opened up about how I wasn’t sure about this whole “Christian” thing. Then at the end when we all prayed, our leader said a special prayer for me too. Then we had some cake because Troy just had his birthday. We got home and Beth was flipping out because of the CD for the wedding so Troy fixed it. Then Beth went into her room to study for her test tomorrow but I went to go check on her to make sure she was ok. She was alright. Then I prayed and then she continued to study while I went to bed because I was tired.

Saturday: Beth had school today from 8 AM to 4 PM. She seemed to take FOREVER to get home today. I couldn’t call her because she didn’t have any minutes on her phone so it was temporarily disconnected. I did text her though. She finally came home with a couple of her friends and then they left again because Beth had to pick up some more stuff for the wedding. She finally got home and I was beginning to get a little irritated because even though I love her and loved spending time with her, it was very rare when I got to. Today Beth and Troy were going to go later when Adrian was asleep and go set up the barn for the reception, however later we decided that all 4 of us were going to go. So all 4 of us went to the barn and it was really boring setting everything up. I went outside and called my grandma to tell her where I was going to be in Indiana if she wanted to come see me on one of my layovers. She said that Howe, IN was too far away from South Bend. It was okay though. Then Beth’s friend, Samantha got an attitude with me and I was going to shoot her a death look if she looked at me again, but she didn’t. After we set up, it was later then we all thought, it was around 9. So instead of going out to eat like we had planned, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut. Troy went to pick it up and then while we ate, we watched Alvin and The Chipmunks. Beth got tired and ended up falling asleep. It actually threw me into a pit of deep depression. She didn’t say goodnight, we didn’t pray and she said when Adrian went to sleep she would fill out 10 more reference forms and didn’t. I ended up crying and called my cousin Heather. Heather talked me through it and I love her even more for that. Even if Heather isn’t a Christian, I love her so much.

Sunday: Today when I woke up, I was excited because Beth was getting married today!!! Beth didn’t go to church today and I was a little disappointed. Beth and I prayed before church because we wouldn’t have another chance and for the first time, our last prayer, Beth laid her hand on my head. Troy and I went with Adrian. We got there right when service was starting. I ran inside while Troy took Adrian to the nursery. I made it right on time; I walked in right when they started the first song. Today we sang “Your Grace Is Enough” and “Surrender.” Then they played a video of the Youth Alive summer camp with my favorite song “Glory To God Forever.” Then Pastor Jim preached about being a mature Christian. Then after we sang “All I Need” for the closing song. Before we left, I told Troy I wanted to talk to this girl who gave a testimony during church. I went over to talk to her and she told me her name (Emalee) and she said she was 17. I told her that her testimony touched me because it sounded a lot like me. Then one of the elders asked us to help him pray over this girl, so Emalee and I helped him pray over her. Then I knew I had to go but I wanted to ask Emalee to pray over me because I had been having killer headaches and I had Beth’s wedding today. Emalee was very happy to pray for me, she laid her hands on my head and prayed. I had to go but I told her I’d find her on Facebook. Troy and I drove back home because Beth’s friend, Samantha was coming over to do my hair for the wedding cause I was her maid of honor. Samantha came over and as she was doing my hair Beth came home and her hair was so cute!!! Samantha finished my hair and it was really really cute too!!! We still had some time so I called Hannah while I was waiting. Then we headed to the church. It seemed to take forever for the wedding to start but while we were waiting Beth got her make-up done. We all got dressed cause when we got there, we still weren’t dressed in our wedding clothes and we got Adrian in his little tux. Samantha was already there with her daughters Mackenzee and Hailee already in their flower girl dresses – so cute! Then it was time for the wedding…I met Aaron out in the front and then he escorted me down the aisle and Pastor Jim told us to go on the stage. Then Beth came in and walked down the aisle with her dad – I almost cried. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time. First Samantha read some Scriptures that Beth picked out and then Pastor Jim discussed how appropriate those were. Then they played “When God Made You” while Beth and Troy just looked at each other. Then Pastor Jim led them in the vows like, “Do you Beth, take Troy….” and then the, “I Beth take you Troy…” Then they exchanged the rings, we had a funny moment there because Beth couldn’t get Troy’s ring on. Then they lit the unity candle while “You Are Everything” played. After they lit the candle, they just worshipped together. Then they were officially Mr. and Mrs. Troy Fuches. They exited the church and then Aaron and I did. Beth and Troy came back and dismissed their guests and Aaron and I thanked everyone for coming as they exited the sanctuary. After everyone left, we all took pictures outside but it was so hot! Pictures turned out good though. Then we all went to the barn for the reception, we parked kind of far away and it was so hot! Beth forgot the CD’s in the car so I had to go get them before we ate. The meal was good too. I felt special because we got to eat at the “wedding party” table with Beth and Troy. Then it was my turn to give my “maid of honor” speech and then Aaron gave his “best man” speech. They played my CD’s but you could barely hear them so that was pointless. Then I went to change into regular clothes because I actually had to leave today to go home. I hugged Beth plenty of times today before I had to go and I hugged Troy a couple times too. I hugged Beth’s little cousin, Megan. She’s adorable. Then Jesse (Beth’s brother) took me to the bus station…all the way home…I just reflected on Beth and how great of a friend she is. No matter what happens, Beth is always going to be my girl and I love her to the ends of the earth and back again a million times.